Why fly alone...

Some of us are loners, people who have been accustomed to doing life with or with out people. Loners by choice. We have gone through experiences that have made it hard for us to trust others. We meet new people and sometimes feel that tug from God on the inside to reach out, or the feeling that maybe, just maybe, you might be able to have a wonderful friendship with someone, but when it comes time to get together, or make a phone call and reach out…..you stop. You go into protection mode. You become self enthralled….you start making excuses, or reasons that sound pretty darn valid, even to you. Why do we do that?? How is that benefiting our lives? Who are we protecting and from what? 

As I was walking today…(yes, I have started walking…and it feels great!) I kept seeing all these Pelicans flying by. I am not a "bird" person, in fact I can't stand birds, but pelicans are amazing to me. i love to watch them soar and glide through the sky. They seem to grip the air around the cliffs and the water, just skimming the waves. They hug the curves of the cliffs as if by instinct. They seem so big and majestic yet fly through the air with ease. What amazes me most about them is the way they fly in a formation. There is a leader of the V shape that they form and they glide and fly so amazingly in line. Why do they do this? Well, thats what my mind kept wondering this morning, so I investigated why…the reason is because when they fly in formation the wind is already broken by the bird in front of them. This is what I read :

Our results provide empirical evidence that, compared with solo flight, formation flight allows birds to reduce their energy expenditure while flying at a similar speed.

"In birds flying in formation each wing moves in an upwash field that is generated by the wings of the other birds in the formation."

Even when pelicans struggled to fly in a pattern, the benefits still outweighed the disadvantages.

Oh my gosh! Can you believe that….God was giving me a visual illustration of why we need to allow people into our lives. We need to trust again that those who lead us aren't necessarily going to go off course, but that they will break the wind, they will soar to new heights, and if we are in formation, we will go right along. Pelicans can go a much farther distance in a group, than by themselves, because they expend much less energy.  

As I watched this flock fly past me today, I noticed a few stragglers, coming up on the rear. There is an area along the coast that is a cove and it gets really windy there. It looks like the birds use it to play in, they soar and dive in the wind. Well one of the stragglers didn't keep up with the group of birds and she started playing in the wind, all by herself. I watched and I laughed out loud. This bird looked like it was having so much fun! But I realized, that this is how I am at times. I will separate from the flock and the power of the group to soar on my own and play the way I want to.  I will get caught up in the moment and lose focus on what my goals are and how to accomplish them, within the power of the flock. On our own, we may have fun, we may soar and dive and use the winds of life that turn us and twist us…but if we would just stay with the flock, we wouldn't have to work so hard, we could use the aerodynamics of the group to soar.

We all need each other in this life, and I don't mean that you need EVERYONE to be your "best buddy". But when God impresses on your heart to reach out and get involved in something or make some new friends that have similar interests as you, or you feel a completely divine connection, don't let it pass you by. It can be hard to fall into the rhythm of the wind with that flock again.

Love you all, thanks for letting me share, yet again another piece of my journey :)

Kristin

the gift

As Christmas approaches there is an almost eerie presence of holidays past lingering throughout the house. The memories of years gone by are fresh and ripe for the picking. Laughter and excitement fill the unspoken thoughts and I wonder if these will ever fade. This is to some a very hard time after losing a loved one...wow, saying that out loud feels like I am walking in somone elses shoes. I don't talk like that, I never lost a loved one, I had never really been through this. But as I go through it this year, I realize that I am no longer in a haze. I no longer feel the stabbing pain of regret and denial. I have only shed a few tears so far, and they have been tears of joy at the delightful memories that the holidays evoke. Its almost like a legacy, a mantle, these memories. And then yesterday I recieved the best gift anyone could have ever given me...


I was in the garage as I often am these days, looking for something that has been boxed up and unpacked since we moved into my childhood home a year ago. I saw an unfamiliar box covered in dust and I immediately took a look inside.  It was a box filled with notes and letters and rantings and tears. It was the fruit of many years of my moms emotional work. She had boxed up notebooks full of the "hot penning" she had done at one of her many "Beginning experience" weekends she had participated in after my dad and her had divorced. I felt like it was a gift from my mom to me at this time of my life. Something about being in your forties, you start to look at your life and realize where a lot of your habits, hangups, hurts and overall dysfunction stem from. Mine in particular always seem to be traced back to my relationship, or lack there of, with my dad.  I can clearly see a pathway that has led me to the spot I am at right at this moment.  Within these notes were letters that my mom had written to my dad, whether she sent any of them I have no idea, but the revealing of her raw emotions during that pivotal time in all of my families lives was so cathartic. It felt like a healing balm flowing over me as I read page after page...the passion with which she cherished her children, the mothering instinct that saw every effect and  stumbling block that my fathers actions caused in her kids lives was like a light bulb turning on. Seeing the situation from her unique perspective was so insightful and helped me in ways I can hardly express. Part of what eats at me is the lonliness of those years, the feeling that I was alone and that no one stood up for me. But reading this reminded me that my brother, sister and I had an advocate, we had a lawyer, we had a friend...my mom. In the midst of all her pain she felt at the failed marriage she had, her main concern was what the effect on us was. All her hopes and dreams, diminished, but her belief in the goodness within each of her children was tireless and trusting.  I heard her pain, but I also heard something much deeper resounding off of those pages...it was hope, it was purpose, it was love.


So I am sharing that today, because I really want to focus on the gifts money can't buy this season, the ones that are truly precious and if we just look around, are within our grasp daily. I have been given a gift in the months passed, being able to enjoy such bittersweet memories, but the priceless gift of my moms love and compassion is still resonating within my life. Take a look at the beautiful gifts you have been given, they are all around you, don't get hung up on what you can or can't buy, its temporary and feeds a need or a want for mere moments. Have a spectacular day unwrapping what is already yours.


xoxoxo,
Kristin